you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
