i just wanna soil my oats bro
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
