Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
