I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
