dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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