K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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