Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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