I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
