Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
