Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
