so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
