Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
