Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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