Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
