Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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