From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
