i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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