so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
