i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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