i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
