dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
