I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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