Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
