he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
