Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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