She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
