My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
