Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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