We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
