We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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