i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Someone shattered a urinal.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
