Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
