i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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