You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
