your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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