I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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