I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
