I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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