i need an iv and a liver transplant
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
