I think my fart just growled at me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
