No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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