That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
