i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
