...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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