at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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