Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
