im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
