Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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