I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
A+ Viking dick
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
