he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
